Ode to TOGGS

Written by Vincent Barnao

Then-Secretary TOGGS - Teps Old Girls and Guys Swimmers

First printed in TEPS TALK, March / April 1992, The Tepid Baths Newsletter

Do you know the story of Deb and Sue,

Well, they’re beautiful, 40 – ah just like you,

Middle-age spread - oh what to do,

The earth was calling for the bodies of Deb and Sue

Lets Swim, they said so it was off to the pool,

Up and down in lane 3 feeling quite cool,

And then in came this crowd all dressed in blue,

The heat was too great for poor Deb and Sue.

A terrifying scene with their coach on the side,

The owner, the manager doing laps in their stride,

Come join us they said with a splash and a bubble,

Oh “us,” we said with a gasp and a struggle.

Well, it’s been a long time that we’ve trailed the fleet,

And you learn a few things when you follow all those feet,

You know we don’t go to "race" we go to a “meet”

And Monique can’t tell when it’s just one lap you cheat.

We’ve been forced to drink water and drowned in the spray,

Thank god we don’t swim in the wake of John Fay,

We’ve shoved drops up our nose and plugs in our ears,

And still, we all see is everyone’s rears.

Now Vincent swims well but he’d really rather write books,

For when we get our newsletter that’s just what it looks,

And as for the aircrew, they’re all really cute

There’s a pilot, a hosty and trolley-dolly to boot.

There are mothers with babies and lawyers with power

And there’s wonderful Fran who directs heat for the shower.

There are bloody early mornings when traffic makes you slow,

and there's Monique screaming go-go-go.

Our tummies are flatter our bottoms are trim

And we all know the answer it’s because we both swim!

So thanks for the agony and the pain we go through

Good luck, happy swimming from poor Deb and Sue.